How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
