Im at strip club and am horny
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
