Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
