That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
