IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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