my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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