There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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