The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
