Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
