just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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