Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
