I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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