Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
