If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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