I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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