GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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