someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm just crazy horny about you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
