dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
