It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
