Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize