Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
