haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
