my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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