bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
