exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
