How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am one with the molecules
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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