just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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