So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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