i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
