i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
