DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize