He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
