Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
