i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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