I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
