Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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