I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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