I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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