did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize