you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
