Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
