hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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