Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
