It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
