i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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