i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
