Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
