u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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