Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
