Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
