do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I did not marry a roomba.
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