I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
