This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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