I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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