I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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