Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
