My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
