When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
