We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
