If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
