yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't think brook has ever known best
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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