Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
