Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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