This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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