we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
