And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
