I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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