i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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