They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
