sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
