dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
