It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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