I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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