Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
