guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
