Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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