He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
