I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
