I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
