Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize