mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fuck appropriateness.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
