If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
