Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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